Rumpled Trousers

The Longest Night

Posted by The Holy Goof , Monday, October 4, 2010 11:42 PM

Connaught place is hailed as the picadilly circus of India. The modern shopping district in it's up and coming CBD. I thought this would be a good place to indoctrinate myself. To adjust and acclimate slowly. to cling to the last comforts of the western world before leaping off into the great unknown. boy was i wrong. the taxi stopped infront of a crumbling edifice, the impression of a building. sleeping dogs and men adorning the entryway. the night watchmen kicked one of them and he groaned before rolling away. "this can't be…."
the driver emerged shouldering my heavy blue backpack. the bag swallowed up his small frame. he didn't even 'umph' when he put it on. "i carry for you, up" "thanks but is this…this is?" "yes park 55, nice hotel! nice" "shit" i climbed five flights of stairs, stepped over piles of rubbish, bricks, an elderly man, and arrived at the door of the hotel. the driver set down my bag and i tipped him. i felt a pang of anxiety as he disappeared. i tried not to show my shock or horror at the condition of the place. clearly not the place featured in the pictures on it's website, by no stretch of the imagination. there were a couple of men, porters, sleeping on mats on the floor in the lobby, and i suppose the manger of the place on the small sagging couch. he rose, scratched at his face. coughed, checked me in and handed me a skeleton key. i climbed two more flights of stairs, my heart sinking lower and lower as we ascended. i closed the door behind me and cried. i'm not sure where the tears came from or why it became impossible to resist them, but i surrendered myself wholly and cried myself to sleep. i passed out fully clothed, ontop of the mattress.


I woke at 3am this morning. My internal clock is fucked. My watch disappeared somewhere between the airport and the hotel. i loved that watch. i had no way of knowing what time it was. i flipped on the light in the bathroom. it didn't respond. i heard a hissing and buzzing from the socket, then a pop. great. i rubbed at my eyes in the vague darkness and stumbled to the shower. a bucket and a scrub brush. was i meant to….? i filled the bucket with hot water and soap and bathed quickly. i was dressed. i'd killed a whole 15 minutes. i sat on the edge of the bed thinking of jessy. i missed her. i missed everything about her. the way her voice drowns out everything and brings me back home. the warmth and affection of her words, her laughter, her love. i'm not really sure how i will go about this, how i will tell her the truth and face losing her. but i know that i must. The revelation will change everything. it will rip quite suddenly the safety net from beneath me. no more hiding. it is the last vestige of armour. what happens after that is both terrifying and exciting. with no connection to the outside world i am free. truly free to disappear, to do what i will with what i have. to find out what i'm made of. to figure out if that voice inside of me knows what the fuck it is talking about. i rolled this around in my mind and absorbed the boisterous clamour of bottles being pushed in a cart beneath my window. it is in perfect harmony with the rest of delhi. keeping a sharp steady rhythm with the pigeon cooing outside my window, the dogs barking in the distance, the two men shouting in climactic tones downstairs. the high pitched shriek of maverick rickshaws, this is old delhis song…… song…… music…… jessy.