Getting to the Go
Posted by The Holy Goof , Monday, June 7, 2010 6:10 PM
i tapped my pen against the desk and looked longingly out the window toward Mission Valley. I just wanted the day to be over, I just wanted to go home. I listened through the open door as the operators chatted back and forth to one another, as Gus complained about his upset stomach, gout, gas, whatever. The man never stopped complaining but i secretly adored this about him. He was a 90 year old woman stuck in a 50 year old mans body. he poked his head through my door as if on cue. mind if i take off early? I looked at the switchboard. there were seven operators on. plenty to cover the evening. "no problem" he thanked me and disappeared. a few seconds later he popped his head back in, 'Hey didn't you have your appointment?" i smiled. nobody at work remembered. The bedside manner at UCSD Medical Centre does not extend to it's employees. "well, how'd it go?" "yeah, fine. i'm all good." he beamed and disappeared again. I looked at the clock and packed up my bag. i had a meeting on campus in half an hour. I'd never liked working in IT. I'd taken the job after the county had cut back the education budget for the third time and laid off most of it's younger teachers. i'd only planned on staying there until the job market returned. it never did. i spent six years with UCSD Medical centre. The only benefit of this employment, well there were two, was that i had the best medical coverage the state could offer, and a month and half of paid leave every year. i spent this time doing the thing that i loved the most. Every year i would get on a plane and go somewhere far away and volunteer my time. I'd been back to Moroto three times. a village in northern Uganda where i'd spent time teaching right out of university. I'd spent time in Phuket Thailand, Zambia in the southern part of the African continent, Mexico and Guatemala. These 6 weeks were my salvation and the only reason i could continue working in a job i did not love. I found my seat and listened to the Director of IS announce that he was going to bridge Telecom and IS into a single dept. I knew that this meeting was strictly for bureaucratic purposes, because for months i had been managing both a team of IS Techs, and the Telecom dept operators. He then announced that as a result of recent budget cuts, the merge would cost our dept all non critical staff. we would be hearing by the end of the day whether or not this meant us. I submitted my progress report on the new radiation oncology suite, Gibbs and the ER expansion. I walked back to my office sat down and waited. The call came at 3pm and suddenly, without warning my day was over. Walking to my car that day, i felt both crushed and liberated. frustrated and terrified. by the time i got home and logged in to talk to jess, i had already begun to concoct a plan to transfer to a competitive hospital in the area. I had already started reconstructing my life and assuring myself that it would all be ok. Jess very gently asked me to consider what it was i truly wanted and as soon as the words left her mouth i was thinking of Africa. I was thinking of that small mud hut and the unbearable heat of the savannah grasslands. She broke through the silence and said "Whatever direction you go in next, think about what you want, what you need. what will make you finally whole." that is how i came to be standing in my kitchen, staring at a globe and pressing my finger teasingly against it's cool raised surface. i smiled, gave it a spin and closed my eyes. "Nebraska" I frowned and scrunched up my face. Do over! This time, India. Rajasthan. Where the hell was Rajasthan? Didn't matter. I had my health, some money, and time. It was time. time to stop thinking about what i should do and do instead what i was meant to do. I would sell what was left of my belongings, say goodbye to my friends and family and disappear into my lifelong dream. Whatever direction i went in next…i would go with the full weight and glory of the heart.
